My Final Farewell Post

2016 was supposed to be a big year. I had imagined a five-year anniversary party celebrating the blog’s fifth birthday, complete with local bands, brews, and all-around good vibes.

But instead…crickets. 2016 came and went. It’s been a ghost town around here on i am san fernando, and there’s no one more aware than me.

To say I’ve had a couple of busy years would be an excuse. To say my heart isn’t in it would be a lie.

Simply, circumstances have changed and I’m no longer able to devote time and energy to i am sf the way I once could.

I haven’t said anything because I haven’t had the guts. Saying it out loud means letting go.

….

Had you been there the early morning of launch, you’d get it.

I stayed up all night going over every detail I spent months perfecting—the artwork, the layout, the content, the first “welcome” post.

About

“…whatever was happening was crystallizing through me and not because of me.”

I was in that 2 a.m. creative flow—typing as the hours passed, somewhat connected to my motions but also cognizant that whatever was happening was crystallizing through me and not because of me.

I typed until I knew I could do nothing else but publish. Launch. Go live. Make. It. Real.

At 5 a.m., I pressed the go button and my soul soared because I did something that mattered, for myself. For my community. Nothing could bring me down from that high, not even the 9-to-5 I had to deal with a few hours later.

….

That’s what I keep coming back to. The fact that this was more than a “little side project”, as one privileged job interviewer called it. This was bigger than me and how could I abandon something that felt like a calling?

Truth is, you can never really abandon what once gave you life. I will always recognize what this “little side project” did for me. For the lessons it taught me about my Self, my ego, my identity, my home. For the women I met and came to respect throughout the years—hi Angie, hi Kristy, hi HOODsisters, hi Trini. For it all.

HOODsisters

“For the women I came to respect throughout the years…”

But now it’s time to move on. And maybe it’s been time for a while but now is the moment to acknowledge it. To say, “Esto estuvo bueno. Esto ya se acabó.”

So I think that’s where I’ll leave you, without the streamers and confetti or fanfare of an anniversary party.

Just the quiet knowledge that there was once something beautiful here.

We had a good run, didn’t we?

written by

i am san fernando is April Aguirre, a writer born and raised in the San Fernando Valley. April bounced around the Valley throughout her upbringing and lived outside of California for a quick minute but always felt most at home in the city of San Fernando. To get at April's heart, FedEx puppies to her door, offer In-N-Out cheeseburgers by the dozen or introduce her to a beer tastier than the last.

8 Responses to "My Final Farewell Post"

  1. Maria Renteria says:

    Thanks for all you’ve done April! May your path get brighter as you walk and may you always remember where you’re coming from! <3

    Reply
  2. Alma says:

    Gracias por todo lo que nos diste, decir adiós siempre duele pero viniendo de ti, se que algo mucho mejor viene, gracias y mis mejores deseos para próximo proyecto ánimo Dios está contigo.
    Love you mom

    Reply
  3. Ma. Guadalupe Martinez (aka Marie Lazaro) says:

    April-you revived my love for my hometown… 😊💞
    As I have lived in New York for the majority of my life now & when asked, I say I am from NY, but, in ny heart, I am still a ‘California Girl from The Valley’!
    I wish you well & hope someone takes over… I am sure more will come from your soul!
    Gracias & keep in touch!

    Reply
  4. Jennifer says:

    Will miss your words about my home. Born and raised in Sylmar/San Fernando. My mother/tia/tio and grandmother as well. It’s a beautiful place, as evidenced by the beautiful, heartfelt spirit you carry within you. But onward and upward you go! Godspeed.

    Reply
  5. RB says:

    It’s a shame.

    I enjoyed reading your blog when I ran across it. Enjoy your new direction in life.

    (Live in Sylmar)

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *